


Big Girl

by YKWencest



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 06:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6742960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YKWencest/pseuds/YKWencest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tegan struggles with having to remove her labret after so many years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Big Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so here's another oneshot I have lying around. There's a mention of alcohol in this, but no actual use, so I went ahead and went with a Teen rating just in case. As always, I hope everyone enjoys this.

_Come on Tegan, you’re a big girl. You can do this._

She had told herself that many times in the past few minutes. All she had to do was take it out. Take out that small piece of metal that lived so happily beneath her lip for so long. Take it out and never put it back in again.

How could she do that, though? This thing was part of her. It was herself just as much as her hands, her fingers, were part of her. To remove this would be to scar herself.

She chuckled at the thought. There would be a scar after she took it out. Having a piece of metal shoved through your lip and left sitting there for years on end would ensure a small hole of a scar would stay.

She looked in the mirror, staring at her reflection. She thought about Sara. She thought about the scar above her eyebrow, left from a piercing she got as a teenager. She smiled for the first time since she talked with her dentist. Sara’s scar was so cute. All of her was. The bump under her lip, the ways she lisped ever so slightly and sometimes more pronouncedly, the way her eyelids drooped as she smiled lazily after drinking too much.

And then it was done.

Thinking about Sara helped to distract her from her feelings of anguish over removing her piercing from her lip, but now that it was out everything came back in full force. She began to cry.

_No, Tegan. Big girl. No crying._

That didn’t work, however. All that did was make her feel worse. A woman in her thirties, crying over having to take out some inconsequential ornament? Pathetic.

Sara would’ve already taken this stupid thing out and been totally fine, she told herself. She wasn’t even dumb enough to get a piercing that would fuck up her teeth, anyway.

Would Sara make fun of her? When this story got to her twin’s ears, would Sara laugh about it?

_**How much of a baby are you? Crying over a piercing? Grow up.** _

_That’s why mom babies you like she does, she said to herself. You’re a fucking big baby anyway._

“Drink from your bottle, baby.”

She wiped her eyes, walking out of the bathroom and sulking to her kitchen. Only one way to get over such an emotional pain so quickly. She would do what she said. She would drink from her bottle.

Or she wouldn’t. Upon inspecting her fridge, there was nothing. And she knew she hadn’t gone out to buy anything recently. There was nothing left to do but wallow in her sadness now.

She sat on her couch, in the silence and darkness of her home. What else was there to do? She was alone and she was so profoundly sad. All she could do was sit. It would be so much easier if she had a partner, though.

_Wow. A crybaby and needy. No wonder you’re alone like you are._

She felt so right about what she said those years ago. Nobody liked her if she cried. Only now there was no maybe to it. It was too definite now.

It was just a stupid piece of metal. Why couldn’t she get over it? Because to her it wasn’t just a stupid piece of metal. It was her body. It was her identity. That was the quickest way for people to tell that she was Tegan. Labret? Tegan. No labret? Sara. Now what? No Labret? Sara? Wrong, Tegan.

Maybe she should just put it back in and live with a fucked up mouth. Then people would definitely be able to tell the difference. Cute? Sara. Ugly? Tegan.

There was a knock on the door. Somehow through all of her wallowing she heard that much. She got up numbly and answered it.

“Tegan!” Sara began excitedly before the sight of her sister, with her puffy red eyes, hit her. “Tegan, have you been crying?”

“Yeah,” Tegan answered before walking back to her couch.

“Why?” Sara asked. She stepped inside and shut the door behind her. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m a baby,” Tegan replied, sniffling.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Tegan,” Sara said softly, sitting down beside her twin. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I talked to my dentist today,” Tegan mumbled, turning away from her sister.

“What was that?” Sara asked. “You did what?”

“I talked to my dentist today,” Tegan repeated, a little louder now. “He um… He said that I have to um… have to take my labret out.”

“Oh,” Sara replied, caught off guard. “Teetee, I’m sorry.”

“You gonna laugh at me now?” Tegan asked sadly. I’m a baby.

“Why would I laugh at you?” Sara replied. “There’s nothing funny about it.”

“I’m so sad, Sara,” Tegan confided, leaning her head on Sara’s shoulder. Sara rubbed her hands up and down Tegan’s back, trying to comfort her sister.

“I know, Teetee.”

“It was a part of me,” Tegan wept. “It was me, and now it’s gone. And I can’t put it back in.”

“Shh, it’s okay, Tee,” Sara replied softly.

“And look at me,” Tegan said. “I’m such a fucking baby that I’m crying over it.”

“Hey, you’re not being a baby,” Sara soothed. She moved Tegan back, holding her at the shoulders and looking her in the eye. “You had that thing for most of your life. Of course it’s going to be hard to let it go.”

“I’m nothing now,” Tegan whispered, wiping her eyes once again. “That thing was me. Without it I… I don’t know who I am.”

“Don’t say that,” Sara replied. “You’re Tegan Quin. You’ll always be that.”

“Yeah, but–”

“Tegan, I knew you before you got that piercing, I knew you while you had it, and now I’ll know you after it,” Sara interrupted. “And you still have me. We still have each other.”

“Thanks,” Tegan said softly.

“I still love you,” Sara murmured.

“Sara,” Tegan replied. For the first time since removing her piercing, she smiled. She wasn’t even thinking about her relationship with Sara at the moment. She was still mourning.

“It’s true,” Sara said. She leaned forward and kissed the spot underneath Tegan’s lip, the spot where a small hole rested in place of a metal ball. “You’re still my baby.”

“I love you, too,” Tegan replied. She scooted her body closer to Sara’s. Instinct really. Now that Sara was loving her, it was working. She wanted more.

“I’m sorry you had to take your labret out after all these years, Teetee,” Sara said softly. “I know how much you loved it.”

“I did,” Tegan replied. She ran her tongue across her bottom lip, something she had picked up after piercing it. Nothing there. No metal now. As gross as it sounded, she could feel a bit of air hit her tongue through her lip.

“Do you remember when you first got it?” Sara asked. “And I told you you looked hot.”

“I remember,” Tegan smiled. “I thought you were just making a joke back then.”

“I wasn’t.”

“I know.”

“You still look hot, Tee,” Sara smiled, ducking her head in embarrassment. What a cheesy thing to say.

“You do, too,” Tegan replied, lifting Sara’s head by the chin. She kissed Sara’s lips quickly before pulling back once more. “Especially when you’re blushing like that.”

“You seem to be feeling better now,” Sara giggled.

“It’s easier to deal with ‘cause you’re here,” Tegan confided. “I’m not alone.”

“Never.”

“I love you,” Tegan said.

“I love you, too,” Sara replied, kissing the spot under Tegan’s lip once more. “Every little part of you.”

_Maybe not having this thing won’t be so bad._


End file.
